i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
