these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
