It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
