Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
