We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
