Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
