Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
