just come out here and I will go home with you...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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