It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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