is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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