oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
