Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
