he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
