You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
