I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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