What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
