This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
