I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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