Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize