My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
