The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
