haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
