me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize