i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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