I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize