I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
