I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
