I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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