just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
