the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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