So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
