so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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