I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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