Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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