No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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