I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
