she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
