We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
