I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
