Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
