Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
