Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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