afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
this is an emotional support booty call
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