There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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