I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize