I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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