The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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