I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
