Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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