I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
