I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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