The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
