My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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