Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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