Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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