The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
