At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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