I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
