sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
