Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
