I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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