So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
