I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
