planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
