i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
