Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
