we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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