WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
