U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize