I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
