am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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