If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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