End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
