I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
