I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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