Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
