okay pat passed out under dana's car
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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