I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
