So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
