the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She bit a glass in half.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
